Blush

In the whole scheme of things there are embarrassing moments that pass within the flicker of an eyelash and there are those that will haunt you for the rest of your life, ruin your chances with a terribly nice man and no doubt, make you cringe everytime you hear the word salmon ever after…

I had a man around for dinner on Friday night. We talked a whole lot a lotta and in the process  I burnt the salmon to cinders. So into the kitchen we went. I faffed about trying to revive something clearly dead and he hovered about pinching bits of  parma ham left over from the starter  and  making me so nervous I  dropped  a false fingernail into the salmon.  And couldn’t see it, because the goddamn kitchen was "romantically" lit and clearly not conducive for hunting for fake body parts in burnt food.

But find it I did, performing an elaborate series of moves I hoped disguised the fact that I had dropped something gruesome into the already gruesome food I  intended to make him eat regardless…

And eat it he did. Though clearly it nearly choked him, while I am of course entirely used to my own burnt offerings and really rather enjoyed it.

You will not I suppose, be surprised, to hear that I haven’t heard from him since. Carrie Bradshaw I’m clearly not…

Bless me.