"It stinks."

"Well you’ve been wearing it for seven years, have you only just noticed?"

"I smell like a girl."

"Who told you that?"

Now I don’t know how it is in your house, but when Mark makes an extraordinary statement, I  can be almost 100%  sure that it didn’t pop into his mind all by itself. He thinks what he thinks and the only time he veers away from his own logic is when a bigger boy tells him he’s wrong.

So he’s thirty three with a mind of his own, and he’s only just noticed that  all his clothes are pressed with lavender??

"Nobody told me. I just noticed…"

"Who noticed?"

"A fella at work."

Hmm. Thought so. Poor thing just cannot tell a lie.

So he smells like a girl. Well I can’t have him being laughed at in the playground, now can I?

So what to do?  Lavender is my signature scent. In one blend or another  it fragrances everything I own. But no more. Apparently Mark want’s to smell like a man (sounds interesting).

Being the good little housewife I occasionally am, I have an alternative: cologne scented fabric conditioner and almond and cologne scented linen water. Does that sound manly??

While I bought mine ready mixed, Helen tells me that you can buy huge big vats of "eau de cologne" next to the rosewater and pharmacists olive oil at the chemist for buttons, and by mixing it with distilled water you create yourself a suitably masculine linen water perfect for pressing work shirts.

I mean God forbid he should smell like a  girl.

Still that bigger boy could have said he smelt like a  Nana and even I would find that worrying. Granny chic is so over