Wake up. Take twenty three minutes off the time stated on the alarm clock and configure correct time in head. Smile. Close eyes again and fall immediately into dream about stuffing potato jackets with fake potato. Wake up all over again in a panic.

Stare at orange face in mirror. Worry about carrot consumption. Bathe in steamy shower. Scrub skin with loofah and feel sinuses being blasted by eucalyptus oil. Breath again. Roll eye gel on under eye baggage. Sigh.

Drink lemon juice. Eat very small fairy cake. Apologise out loud to anyone with a vested interest in size of my thighs.  Shout spellings at child from the kitchen. Pos-i-tion? Speci-al? Earth?  Water peace lily, hyacinths and cress growing out of cotton wool sheep courtesy of ever so creative school teacher. Write letter to same cursing the fact that creativity seems to be getting in the way of organization and child is again without homework other kids seem to be in possession of.  Scrub Harry Potter felt tip scar off child’s head. Laugh at his new dance. Make beds. Open all windows. Breath.

Run to school shouting spellings at child’s back. Run back for letter to teacher. String everything from child’s neck and push pack-horse back towards school. Late. Agree that yes you are a rubbish Mother. Refuse to agree to Disney theme in bedroom.  Apologise for choice of union jacks and Cath Kidston cowboys. Profusely. Get silence for your troubles. Kiss tiny little misery goodbye and hand him over to head mistress. Walk away. Walk back to hand over bossy little missive to teacher. Find friends.

Walk to Post Office. Wipe tears from eyes caused by force ten gale and dream of being back in bed. Say goodbye. Make large cup of tea. Put socked feet in crocheted slippers. Breath in scent of fresh laundry. Wander about with ipod zapping bar codes for grocery order. Feel like kid playing shop. Add obscure things just because you can. Delete them.

Think up subjects for blog. Abandon them. Settle down with vacant head and body ache. Jump when large lump of coal/mud/other black matter falls down chimney and presents it’s horrible self on rug.Watch untraceable draft blowing kitchen door to and fro. Light candles. Put Scouse on for tea.

Look forward to another week. Sigh. Apologise to self for inherent negativity.

Consider watching daytime TV.