I have “jobs” coming out of my ears. Do you do that? Walk about with an internal list of things that must be done clanking around your head?

Tomorrow is the end of term and in an act of utter hopelessness I have bought teachers gift wrapping paper and nothing at all to wrap up, because I cant quite seem to prioritise my lists and there is a whole caboodle of fire-fighting going on here. You see I am one of those ridiculous people who truly believes that I do a thing best when I am about to be shot for not having done it at all and that anything I do BEFORE any given deadline is highly liable to be utter rubbish and thus require a repeat performance when there is only moments to spare.

So yes: I am up to my eyes (higher than my ears) in “jobs”. All of a sudden I seem to have a life abundant not just with things I am worrying about doing, but also with the flipperty-jibbit nonsense of trying to get a business back up off it’s proverbial bottom, fit a new man in to my life and house, organise a Summer full of worthwhile activities for a child, keep a dog and dad up to date in doctors and vets visits, see friends and family, keep my eyebrows shaped and get the house back to something I deem more than just bearable. It’s a tall order for a lady who gets her herself in to the most dreadful muddle if she finds herself with more than one social activity to endure on any given weekend. And darn these eyebrows just won’t look after themselves!

I feel demented. I have diagnosed myself with peri-menopausal acne because I have got three spots on my right cheek and thus need to sort out my skin care routine. I have chucked away all but eight glasses in the kitchen because I swear the damn things grow legs and plant themselves on any given surface around the house and now need to take the surplus to the recycling. I haven’t phoned Mimi, or had coffee with Shelanne yet (but I haven’t forgotten Ladies: just meeting myself coming backwards!). I have had a mean letter from the noise pollution people because my neighbour is bonkers and gets stressed when Alfie barks at the postman, so I must decide whether to respond to it or ignore it (and her?). I need a new mattress because I am on the fast route to Quasimodo syndrome and a hunch needs to be avoided before my dotage. I must get over myself pronto and stop worrying that everything I have written lately is nonsense and just SEND IT OUT already. That mirror leaning against the bathroom wall is precarious and must be moved. The decking needs painting. I must pack for this coming weekend away and make plans for our stay in a fancy-schmancy hotel the weekend after next. The late-night kitchen slug problem needs addressing. Need to check under the stairs to see if  tyre pump thingie Dad keeps asking about is lurking there. Mustn’t forget to go the doctors next Tuesday. Must remember to send Amy and Lee’s wedding acceptance back. The dog needs a collar that isn’t a bow-tie because people keep laughing at him. Finn needs to be warned that if he doesn’t tidy his room soon I will set Helen and Louie on him. The bathroom needs a deep clean. And hell’s bells I really need to buy those teachers a gift or two before twelve o’clock tomorrow afternoon!!

See what I mean? Jobs coming out of my ears!

Now usually I like to round up these kinds of posts with a few words from the wise. I pop on my domestic sage’s hat and tell you how I plan to solve my problems and how I recommend you solve yours: but in this case any advice coming your way from me would be utterly laughable when we all know that the answer to getting things done is downright doing them, no more dilly-dallying – just straight forward action of the sort that means jobs can be ticked off and order can be (somewhat) restored…

Now where did I leave my tweezers again?