Now then, I have just watched a lady of quite substanial years, stop outside my house, look around her in a very shifty fashion, and then when she was sure nobody was looking, open her mock croc handbag, pull out a pair of secateurs and snip away at my camellia bush!!

An old lady thief!! I am appalled, but not surprised. These old people do it all the time: they come out of the church next door, stop to peer at my beloved camellia and then snip it, or worse snap it!!

But what to do? If they asked me I would be more than happy to give them a cutting, but todays geriatric thief was intent on a very organised crime: why else would she be carrying a pair of secateurs in her bag?

I’m cross.

Do you think I should have gone out and bopped her with my rolling pin? Or should I erect a sign saying please help yourself, and leave it there until my poor little tree is bald?

This is a moral dilemma if ever there was one: I obviously don’t want to be an old lady basher, but sometimes they just push me too far…

Maybe I’ll take a sly picture or six and start an online gallery of geriatric floral rogues…