If you are wondering why things have been a little patchy around here in the past few days it is because I am all of a shiver with the kind of common cold that isn’t in too much of a hurry to take it’s leave. Indeed my Darlings, I am in such a state, that my friend has just recoiled at the sight of me. Oh yes. She recoiled.

I have, you see, been blessed with a runny red nose, a rather spectacular cold sore, a hacking cough and just for kicks, a red circle, the size of a penny on my forehead, about which I can offer no explanation, other than the possibility that it is kind of alien abduction branding that used to bewilder Mulder and Scully.

In short I’m gorgeous and I’m plainly not going out today.

What’s a girl to do? Look after herself, that’s what. Indulge in a range of tiny little indulgent cures and really rather enjoy wallowing in sniffly nosed hell…

1. The Chamomile Facial. Being the kind of woman always in possession of a chamomile tea-bag both for inducing sleep and feeding houseplants, this one is a no-brainer as rumour has it that chamomile steam clears a stuffy nose faster than I can cry Atishoo! loud enough to freak the neighbours out. So I’m boiling eight tea-bags in a pan of hot water and when they’ve been fizzing nicely for five minutes I’m going to place the pan on the table, hook a pretty towel over my head and breathe in the beautifully scented steam.

2. Short stories. As I’ve go the attention span of a gnat today, short stories seem the way forward for a quiet half hour of reading. And so I’ve trawled around Amazon and selected Katherine Mansfields  “The Garden Party and Other Stories” for my Kindle, and when everything else is done I’m going to curl up and indulge in a little old-fashioned sorrow, delivered in the joyful way only Katherine Mansfield can.

3. I’m wearing a polo neck. A tight black one. I look like the Lady from Milk Tray and as I have a collection of these cosy items, I have done all week, but I’m working on the basis that they keep my neck and chest warm and coupled with a lilac velvet trimmed thermal vest and a cosy cardigan, it’s the snuggliest outfit I can come up with.

4. Try as I might, I’m just not a lover of honey, but when it comes to battling a yukky cold and a nasty scratchy throat, nothing soothes quite like it. So I’m sipping warm water with the juice of an entire lemon and a spoonful of lavender honey in it and hoping for the best.

5. I’ve lined a tin with greaseproof paper, folded up a little collection of red polka dot paper hankies in it  and sprinkled them liberally with Olbas oil. There now. That should do the trick!

6. I’m wandering about with a little ice-pack pressed on my sore lip and I’m eating liqorice. Good old fashioned proper liqorice because I once read that liqorice has cold sore fighting properties and any excuse will do…

7. I’m trying something ridiculous to fight the cough that’s driving me bonkers. You see it is believed by some that coating your feet in Vicks vapour rub, then donning thick socks and putting your feet up will help, so here as I write I am the proud possessor of menthol feet cased in pink slipper socks and frankly whether it works wonders on the cough or it doesn’t, it feel terribly comforting regardless…

8. Doris Day. When I feel rubbish, Doris Day is always the cure, so I’ve chosen a film I’ve not seen before and over a little lunch of cucumber and marmite I’m going to watch “Do Not Disturb”

9. I am burning peppermint oil. Both because I rather feel like curling up in a ball and going to sleep and I mustn’t because I am a Mummy and have to collect my child from school at some point, and thus need to be alert and peppermint will help, and also because peppermint oil has anti-bacterial properties and it might just fight the spread of this little infection to those who care to visit me. (Visit me someone!)

10. And finally because I’m terribly good at this extreme self-care lark, I have hung cosy blankets over all the radiators in the house and whenever the shivers come a-calling I can grab a snuggly hot blanket and chase them a way in an instant. Genius, mais non??

To all those of you similarly suffering today, I feel your pain. Go rent a Doris Day movie…