I am of an experimental nature. This isn’t wise, so I suggest you do as I say and not what I do. Because what I say is this: variety might be the spice of life but sticking with what you know means you get to have your cake and eat it.

I am the proud possessor of bonkers hair. Like the rest of me it is badly behaved. The only thing that keeps it under control is a certain combination of shampoo, conditioner and mousse. So you would think that standing in the hair aisle at Boots I’d throw said products in my basket and be done with the entire matter wouldn’t you? Sensible hair guaranteed. Bad hair mornings banished. Well yeah, but you keep forgetting that I am Alison and I am stupid.

What actually happens is this: I stand in front of the shampoo aisle and I go well yes there’s the shampoo that makes me look passable, and feel a teeny bit glorious, and when all is said and done prevents me landing at the school gates looking like Crystal Tips,  but hey look at this: a famous hairdresser made this one so that means that it will make me look like I’ve stepped out of Hollywood or maybe erm, Heat, and this one is organic, and oh my this has got added essence of chemical 9784B and everyone knows what that does to your locks. I mean clearly I need it. My life won’t be the same without 9784B but oh heck this one hasn’t got it but it is on two for one and being one of the nouveau poor maybe organic this and 9784B wotsit that are luxuries I can’t afford and you’ve got to cut back somewhere and hell I’m not remotely vain (ahem) so maybe my hair is the place to start so I’ll get the two for one budget stuff and maybe the organic one for special occasions. And then I slurp to the counter with my compromises and my special occasion stuff. Then worry that I’m doing myself a disservice and go back and swap the organic stuff for the paint stripper that is the chemically enhanced super duper fortified with vitamins and seaweed delight with added 9784B and go home safe in the knowledge that none of it will work. 

See the thing is this: I know exactly what is good for me and make it a policy to avoid it with my life.  I mean why have nice hair when you can fuzzy flat hair instead? Why eat a nice salad when you could have tuna melt on delicious white floury bread and give yourself a stomach ache from hell? Go on! Buy the soap powder that makes you itch! Wink at the barman when your lovely boyfriend nips to the loo! Force your feet into heels guaranteed to give you a lifetime of pain! Do it… buy the dubious lavender oil with no brand name because you will save yourself a whole pound that could be spent on a mars bar ice cream. Order an Indian when you felt like Chinese for the sake of expanding your horizons! Find yourself seduced by blatant advertising. Buy a job lot of the toothpaste that makes you feel sick because your friend says it makes her teeth sparkle! Abandon your instincts, flirt with danger, play with fire and for what Miss May? Pray tell… for what? 

Tis a terrible thing is this business of self-sabotage. Happiness is an elusive state of affairs and when you are a self sabotager you go out of your way to shove it a bit further out of reach because there might be something a teeny bit more scrumptious around the corner. Something cheaper, something that worked last year and who knows might work again, something that comes with the promise of unbelievable riches, well behaved hair, sparkly clean towels and two for one orgasms. Something, you know, a bit better…

Even though you know without a doubt that it is all fluff and smooth tongued nonsense. That added 9784B in any area of your life is merely the stuff of ad men’s dreams and you already know what works for you. That life is too short to gamble away a good thing for the sake of a cheap thrill,  too precious to pick an argument because you feel suspiciously content or spend three weeks walking around with bad hair because you bought the stuff and you are going to damn well use it…

Find what works and stick to it like glue. Become it’s biggest fan. Buy the company if you must. But for heavens sake stop compromising. Stop making life sooooo hard. Other people exist to do that for you.

Now go have a nice day.