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Welcome to The Get a Grip Program!
Here begins the rest of your life for the time is right to say:-
No more. Enough already. I will not live like this. From this day forward everything changes. I'm done. I want to feel alive. This is not who I am...
I could go on. But I don't need to, because you know. You know what isn't working. You know what isn't serving you anymore. You know that something has to give, or else you will lose your most vital self completely. Or else your marbles will roll under the bed never to be seen again.
This then is a rallying cry to save your sanity. A call to arm yourself with purpose, spirit and a bucketful of hope for all your tomorrows.
For living in mundanity isn't good enough. Tolerating ANYTHING will not do. Living in chaos will break you.
You don't want to be broken anymore do you?
This I know for sure: you cannot get the most our of your life if you do not choose to reject mundanity, chaos and all that threatens to shatter a once hopeful heart in to a million pieces. Pieces that float around your body and create pain. Disharmony. Doubt and disappointment.
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I know you are scared. I know your heckles rise when I say get a grip. It sounds so horribly dismissive. It sounds as though I do not care about your very real problems. The true obstacles that stand between you and your best self and the most rewarding version of your life. I know you want to say who do you think you are? Who are you to tell me to get a grip? What do you know?
So I will tell you. I will tell you that I have been broken. Those pieces of a heart broken clog my veins too. That I have faced things I truly hope you will never, ever have to endure and still I rise.
I want you to know that I too know how it feels to be exhausted. Depressed. Demented. I have taken the pills. Seen the doctors. Sat in the counselor's chair. I live with an autoimmune disease that drains me. My bum is too big. Money problems have long dogged me as a result of failed businesses and bad decisions. And still I rise.
My family is just like yours: sometimes wonderful, often claustrophobic. I have been left by ridiculous men. Watched one go to jail for doing something so heinous I can barely speak of it (and yet still endure the reverberations of his actions to this day). I am terribly deaf. Often so physically tired I can barely drag my legs out of bed. And last year I stood over and watched my Mum die so very unexpectedly on the bedroom floor that is now mine. Her eyes wide open. Looking right at me. But so very gone.
And still I rise.
You see I know how to get a grip and I desperately want to arm you with the same skills. I want you to know that the situation you are facing right now: whether it is simply a case of a penchant for clutter, a relationship on the brink of divorce, a life completely devoid of routine, or a myriad of things that seem destined to topple you so completely you do not know how you will ever get through it, is manageable. Is survivable. Is never hopeless.
I want you to know that deep down buried underneath all that fear and lethargy there is strength.
I want you to know that no person, no financial crisis, no addiction, no crazy sister, no ailment can prevent you from behaving with purpose. Dignity. Determination and persistence.
I want you to know that life can be terribly short. That we mustn't waste a minute of it.
I want you to know that on the days you don't feel like getting up, you must get up anyway. See the kids to school. Eat whatever you can manage and then if you need to, go back to bed. Do what has to be done and then YOU can do what YOU need to do.
I want you to know that only you can drag your sorry bottom to the doctors. Or the divorce lawyers. That only you can call time on over-eating. On too much wine. Too much TV. Not enough housework. Too little purpose. Only you can stand up and do something (ANYTHING). Only you can ask for help. Let yourself cry. Develop skills for coping with out of control kids. Days when life seems pointless. An empty fridge.
I want you to know that you can stop the whining, criticising soundtrack you are playing on loop in your head and you can replace it with something both soothing and encouraging.
I want you to know that being harsh with yourself is counterproductive.
And I want you to know that you are still you and you are ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS stronger than you think you are. I want you to understand that when you think you can't, you probably can. That even on the darkest of dark, miserable, terrible days you must go on being kind to yourself, doing what must be done, believing that you can.
Because, trust me, you can.
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I KNOW women. I come from a big family of women. I have many, many women friends. And I have you, my readers. Women who write to me every single day sharing your problems and knowing that I will listen.
I KNOW women. I have completely and utterly failed to fathom men, but I KNOW women. I have made helping other women my life's work because I know how very easy it is to come undone. I know that you too have reservoirs of strength you barely know exist. I know that if you are gentle with yourself, but persistent, focused and determined at the same time, that you too will rise from the ashes of your former self. From mess. And clutter. Chaos and bad decisions. I KNOW that you can look at all your problems and understand that they are merely that: conundrums waiting to be solved. That every problem you face can be divided in to one of four categories I will explain to you very soon and tackled.
That there is ALWAYS something you can do to make this day more manageable.
The program starts with honesty. For there is very little point in providing you with the skills you need to wipe the slate clean and draw upon your inner strength to build a life less ordinary if you are going to carry on lying to yourself about exactly what is at the root of your struggle.
This then is where we begin. With the truth about your life. With your honest to goodness judgement on who you are and what you have created. With complete candor about how you feel about every single, last aspect of who you are and what you know you need to get a grip of...
Think about it. Make a list in your head. And for the first time in your life be absolutely honest.
I will see you here next week.x