The Life Audit

And so it is another one of those days when life feels so deliciously chaotic, I have no choice but to try to gather my thoughts at the beginning of a new month, so I can get a grip on where I'm at and you can share a little more of life here at BrocanteHome. As always please feel free to steal the graphic and do a life audit of your own, or indeed download the Life Audit PDF (it's free) and get your pencil out...

Today I am…

Creating cane tripods for my beans to carry on growing so magnificently. Missing the dog because he has had to be sent to the kennels because the garden is being sprayed with a nasty weedkiller in an on-going bid to keep the very persistent weeds from taking over and one day uprooting the entire bungalow. Packing for a weekend vintage-shopping at Helen's house. Giving myself a pedicure because my feet are turning in to the pigs trotters they always become in Summer.

Feeling…

finley

Proud after a lovely day around the Liverpool art galleries with my best little buddy Finn proved him to be the intelligent, thoughtful, philosophical young man I always knew he would be. Stressed! Estate agents should issue Valium to each and every person mad enough to want to sell their house. Slightly chaotic because I have been working so hard here at BrocanteHome that my actual house is falling in to rack and ruin. Demented by the mess two boys can create in the form of sweet wrappers, x-box game cases and wet towels (he might be philsophical but he isn't blooming tidy!). Hungry for something I cannot explain: an evasive emotion my mind keeps trying to grasp but cannot quite net. 

Reading…

The first few chapters of the novels I began many years ago when life didn't seem so very complicated and my head was full of romantic notions...

"I want to tell you what I know. But first you must promise me this: If I tell you stories of ghosts and fairies and goblins, suspend your dis-belief and seek only the truth in my tale. If however, I speak of the more mundane, if I whisper words as old as the hills: of pain and passion, un-requited love and adultery, look not for truth, but for lies. Do not let me patronise you with my silly little fibs. Instead drag me up in front of a court of women who will demand the truth. Women who know what I am and will no longer abide the awful lies with which I will try to line their floral coffins."

And Facebook. Oh yes, she who long resented the intrusion of Facebook into her life and everyone elses now cannot tear herself away. The Living Room Facebook Group (our wonderful members only space) is absolutely thriving and there has been an immediacy to the friendships formed that I could not have predicted as domestic discoveries are made and daily inspiration provided. It's so lovely and the very essence of what I always wanted BrocanteHome to be.

Eating…

Hello Fresh meals because they really have changed the way we shop and eat during the week (Get £25 off when you use my code VQ88UU). Fry's chocolate creams. Because this is a passion that might just never die. Copius amounts of gluten free cupcakes as Finley bakes them one batch after another in an effort to perfect his recipe.

Planning…

What this house could like when the sale finally goes through on my little cottage and I can have my own furniture here. The Salon: it is taking longer than I expected to manifest and I know I am behind with various other obligations but I am firming up my vision of what it will be and how I can provide the best of value for those who care about BrocanteHome enough to sign up. Becoming more committed to my own self-care journey as soon as the damn house sale is completed and I can think straight again. Getting all my paperwork sorted Konmari style because I am pretty certain that one day I will be found buried under unopened envelopes.

Dreaming of…

Writing a proper book. My imagination is once again running wild and the Muse firmly at my side. I'm so glad she is back: I missed her in the wilderness years. It is at once lovely and bewildering to be truly coming back to myself again without being fooled by the false starts of the kind of soothing self-deception I indulged in when I so very much needed everything to be alright again.

Coveting…

Peace and quiet. I come undone during the school holidays. All of a fluster and occasionally the kind of shouty Mum I never imagined I would be. So flustered do I feel right now, my whole being is longing for time alone in a pretty hotel room somewhere. Just me. And a journal. And a bag of pistachio nuts please.

Wishing…

Time away. But that is both naughty and futile. We cannot spirit ourselves in to the future and so each and every time I find myself wishing myself in to a time when life feels secure again I stop and remind myself that right here in this moment, I am quite safe and there is nothing at all to be scared of. This relentless anxiety though is a new friend of mine and I have to tell you I don't particularly like her.

Working On…

Coping with an irrational fear of the moths that flood in to this hot house of ours when we open the windows on warm evenings and I appall Ste by jumping around in utter panic that these papery little blighters will set up home in my frizzy hair. I'm not scared of them as such: I just cannot help thinking they would like my hair.

Celebrating…

Securing a much coveted space to sell our vintage-ware in Chipping Norton's prestigious Station Mill. We simply couldn't be more excited. Champagne all round methinks!

Grateful For…

 

Ste. So very, very grateful for Ste. He is both stoic and reassuring. My silliest, most wonderful best friend. And a man who despite everything that has changed in the time we have been together, the worries we have endured in combining our respective families and the drama, Little Miss Rent-A-Worry here brings to the table, has never failed to make me laugh. Even when I'm knee deep in tears. Actually he is more than wonderful. He's a proper pain in the bum too - given to dragging our boys up great big hills and roaming around with the dog at his heels for hours on end. I love him so very much.

And finally tomorrow I will be…

Heading to Oxford with Ste to spend a couple days right there in the bosom of the family I miss so very much. I just cannot wait.

On my to-do list this month?

* Getting the Salon completed and the Better ME program in progress again. *  Weeding the front garden. And adoring the conversations I have with my new lovely old lady neighbour Win, as I weed. * Getting the sideboard in the dining room painted cream and bringing it back to life. * Holding another car boot sale to get rid of the last few remnants of nonsense we seem to be hoarding. * And please, oh please, oh please exchanging contracts on the house so we can truly step in to our new life together...

Happy June Housekeepers!