My Funny Valentine.

Funnyvalentine_1

Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, think I'll go and eat worms.

Well Darlings, apparently a worm feast won't be necessary tonight. Somebody luuuurves me.

You see you ask the universe to throw you a life line and heckity pie doesn't it just go and drop a red envelope through your door on Valentines Day, and thus provides you with a heart shaped mystery to see you through what could otherwise have been  a helluva night...

Valentines Day is I think one of the civilised worlds more thoughtless rituals, designed methinks to commercially measure just where you rate in the stakes of the great unloved. Me? I thought I was queuing up for a lifetime of over-obsessive mothering, a basket full of ready meals for one and those diddy little half bottles of rioja, you buy just in case the urge to offset sadness with  sozzledom takes over you once too often.

But alas no! I am, it seems, lining up with a gang of giggly schoolgirls lucky enough to receive cards they didn't have to beg for, from unknown and no doubt, unworthy potential suitors...

Lordy what did I do to deserve this fresh hell?? This is surely a case for Shaggy and Scooby Doo. (Though please let it be hereby noted that the yappy little puppster that is  Scrappy Dappy Doo will not of course be invited to investigate a mystery of this magnitude...) 

The card itself is a silver and pink affair with the words "Did You Hurt Yourself When You Fell From Heaven?" emblazed loudly on the front and the poetry that is, "I think about you every day" scrawled inside.

Did you hurt yourself when you fell from heaven indeed! Why no whoever you are, I banged my head coming out the cannonball they used to shoot me up from hell...

I can't stop giggling. Because here is a man who while wandering around the aisles of Marks and Spencers, no doubt filling his trolley with ten slice packs of lean danish ham, organic hummus on three for two and a rather delicious broccoli and tomato quiche was clearly suddenly inspired to drop a card on top of his over-priced smoked haddock, and think up the kind of thrilling little declaration only old William Shakespeare himself could have bettered. For little old me...

But before you get too excited please take on board that this isn't a card sent from the kind of quarters that would send me rocketing to heaven. Trust me it ain't. It is more likely to be from my Dad or my next door neighbour, my pervy postman or indeed a certain stalker who will hereby go by the name of Big Fred (Though the silly sod in his five 0'clock "I'm on my way home from work" call- i.e the one I never answer- left me a message apologising for the lack of valentines fuss!! Hmmm, the clever but very crazy concoction that is the double bluff??).

But golly gumdrops I couldn't give a damn who sent it. I got a Valentines card on February 14th from a man whose socks I don't have to wash. I'm stupidly delighted.

Somebody in this world thinks about me everyday...

Have a scrumptious Valentines night, Housekeepers...

On My Wishlist...