From The Beginning. In the Middle.

Hello Darlings, thank you for your patience during this brief hiatus: it has been such a pleasure to go away knowing I had your support to step off this lovely polka dotty gravy train for a while... It has been a month stuffed full of big decisions and decorating. A month when I have realised that blogging has become a part of my life that I can barely do without: a way of both thinking out loud and scrapbooking all those things I never want to forget, a way of acknowledging daily who I am and who I want to be. And while it has been somewhat liberating to ignore the call of the keyboard if only for a while, I miss the routine of turning up to my lifes work daily, the rituals I have established to make that work possible and above all else the celebration of what it is to be a Vintage Housekeeper with like-minded women across land and choppy sea.

One cannot, it seems, escapes one's authentic self too easily, especially when one has given over ten years in pursuit of her!

And so here I am. Suddenly deeply aware that I am given to making grandiose statements on a whim. That I court drama and flounder in the aftermath. That the answer to refreshing enthusiam for what turns out to be a life-long passion, is not throwing in the towel and trying to re-invent one's own wheel, but in standing back and assessing what has already been created and furthermore simply dwelling on how to move forward with all that in ribbon-tied tow.

We cannot and should not try to shake off what is ours, but we are absolutely entitled to take time out to decide where that which we already own can better fit into a future taking shape all by itself.

And so here I am. Ready to acknowledge that I lose my way. That sometimes the need to monetise BrocanteHome renders me exhausted, leaves me feeling shy, uninspired and worse, often as  if I have sold my soul to a money making devil,  but further ready to acknowledge (out loud) that I am trying to teach myself that I, like everyone else on this planet, am entitled to fair compensation for that to which I dedicate my time. That I am entitled to a roof over my little boys head, and shoes on our feet. That this is my art, and one has to find a comfortable space to dwell in between the ranks of starving artist and flashy salewoman.

So I am trying. And I am writing. And I am seeking unobtrusive ways of financing Brocantehome and I am full of new ideas and aware that I already have a lot to offer and do not need to constantly seek to re-invent myself at every turn because I lose faith daily or find myself embarrasing. though clearly I am embarrasing, as my seven year old little monkey will confirm should you be rude enough to ask him!

So here I am. It's been a busy month and as, I've got a lot to say I rather think a few little lists might just be the way to sum it all  up, because no Vintage Housekeeper worth her salt can resist a good list now can she?

Things I've been doing

* Decorating the living room. Now a serene snuggly rose-sprinkled haven complete with cream carpets, sofas and curtains. Because I'm asking for trouble. * Visiting Finn's new school and worrying myself silly about the whole business, while never feeling quite so absolutely certain that I am making the right decision before. * Making the move from a PC to a whole host of Mac computers as Richard begins to take over my technological life. And thus rather feeling as though I have moved to a mean foriegn country. * Swanning about in quite the most divine of Lake District hotels. * And buying a tent big enough to throw a party in because all of a sudden we plan on being professional campers.

Thinks I've been thinking about

* That I have to keep on keeping on. That turning up is ninety per cent of the solution whatever the problem. * That cream anything isn't a great idea with a kid like Finn around... * That pre-empting what you want to see on Brocantehome isn't the way forward and that more often than not I get it wrong. That it is more than ok to be myself here. * That if I am going to drive Finn to a school twenty five minutes away instead of tumbling down the lane, I am going to need to start driving again. Pedestrians beware. * That my Kindle is the best thing that ever happened to me that isn't people shaped. I am currently absolutely adoring the Patty Fairfield series and can barely wait to climb into bed with my new best friend. * And that I have too much to say to try holding it in ever again!

Things I'm going to be doing

* Spending another glorious five days at Cornbury again. In the company of my sister, her partner Louis, the kids, Richard, James Blunt, Cyndi Lauper and Deacon Blue. I am stocking up on festival port-a-loo anti-bacterial gel as we speak... * Writing. Instead of talking about it. Or planning it. Or wasting my life away in pursuit of an app to do it for me! * Transcendental meditation. Part of the deal with the Maharishi School is that all pupils and parents commit to learning to meditate, and so before Finley starts in September we will all be attenting TM courses. Expect a new calmer me... * Stripping out the kitchen ready for new everything and living on fish and chips in the meantime. * And resisting the urge to take Brocante off in yet another new direction, and instead consolidating what already exists and moving forward with a smile on my face...

Hell's bells I can't half talk can't I?? You will I am sure, be glad to hear that, that is it for today. I am away to poke at the salad growing in the garden, put pretty white gypsophila in a pale green spotty jug, bake cherry flapjacks while I have still got an oven, and start listing all my junk on ebay...

Ooooh and for all those of you wondering: * The next chapter of Muse will be in your inboxes tomorrow. * And Richard has asked my Dad for my hand in marriage and he said NO. That he would not be held responsible for inflicting me on a man as decent as Richard, and thus be it on his own head, should he choose to get down on one knee.

Ye gads! I'm nearly forty, You would think my dear Daddy would be delighted to off-load me on anyone willing to have me!

Have a lovely afternoon Darlings.x