Fat Saturdays.

Fatgirl_1

Rita Konig always makes me laugh. Whether she's trying to persude us to go camping in our Cath Kidston tent, plant a powerpot in the office or hoover in our underwear, she brings a glamorous frivolity to homemaking that most of us don't even know we are missing...

Today while swooning over raspberries, french bread and hot chocolate, I entertained myself with a quick soiree through Rita's "Domestic Bliss" and giggled with delight when I read "Fat Saturdays"...

"I defy anyone to say they have never had one of these. Even the skinniest of girls complain of bloated stomachs, usually a little wheat intolerance, or even those dreadfully depressing swollen ankles, which really send your legs off kilter. But beyond feeling fat they are also low-on-morale days when the world is doing you wrong. These are not the days to go off and try to find the perfect pair of jeans. avoid all the clothes shops with dodgy lighting in the changing rooms where you are going to be faced with your naked body in your Bridget Jones knickers being down lit, which so beautifully enhances every lump, shadow and cellulite that you didn't realise you had.

Head for beauty instead. Go to any department store and set about spoiling yourself with some new bath oils, scrubs, nail polish (toenails never suffer the same fate as hips and rarely get bitten). The joy of not having to take off your clothes and knowing that when you get home your bathroom is going to be almost entirely re-decorated with products is almost too much to bear. I know this sounds rather expensive and that Fat Saturdays usually come when your current accountis looking positively anorexic, but you can compromise. If this is the case just spend a small amount of cash. Come home and sit on your bathroom floor and clean all around the tops of the bottles of lotions that have become clogged up and dusty; chuck out every horrible sample that you have got free with a purchase and never used; wash away all the spilt powder that is all over the make up, and replace the junk with the new purchases.

I may be insane but I love my bathroom and it is such an easy place to be at the end of a Fat Saturday. Even though it is the smallest room in my flat, I can spend hours fiddling in there. You can get a sparkle up in there more easily than in any other room, because there is no upholstery and it really suits being bare foot, which suits me. For morale this has got to be a good room. Get it smelling delicious and get some order in there. By the time you have finished and all your bottles are standing immaculately on gleaming glass you will be feeling better. because it is a pretty mindless task it enables you to think calmly, and as it is completed you will have a sense of order in a room, which will give you a cleared head. You will probably not have thought about eating much either, which helps for a slimmer Monday."

Rita also suggests...

Clear out your cupboards* Colour code your sweaters* Polish your shoes and Change your bed, even if you only did it yesterday...

and I say...

*Get thee to a bakery and buy a ludicrously creamy jammy something and wallow in the fat day blues...

* Or prepare a sumptuous feast of vegetable crudites, hummuos and fresh fruit and feel suddenly refreshed and virtuous...

* I know you don't feel like it, but get on your knees and scrub the kitchen floor or get into the garden and do some heavy duty digging. It won't kill you and I promise you'll feel better for it..

* Forget yourself and go the park: watch the kids play and let the breeze blow away your misery. Take a flask of tomato soup and a good book and sit snuggled on a bench away from the sound of the constantly ringing phone, the tv and the demands of being at home...

* Do something spontaneous: invite friends over for a casual supper and spend the day getting the house ship shape. Adrenalin will take over and you won't have time to feel sorry for yourself...

* Turn your bedroom into a meditation room: make sure the room is warm (I always turn the radiator on for this), cover the bed with something pale and soothing, lower the blinds and burn insence and candles, while you play something gentle (Enya is a cliche,but guaranteed to work!) and lie down to forget your troubles and truly, truly relax...

It won't last forever, I promise.

**This article originally appeared on my HouseKeepers Gazette**