So there we were, Kath and I, perusing the aisles of Marks and Spencer’s Food, when she took it into her head to recommend a packet of salt and vinegar lentil curls (whatever they may be) and I behaved in suitably appalled fashion and told her I am on a diet.

To which she said, they are low fat, you can have them.

And I said, no I can’t. I don’t care about fat, it’s a carb thing. At which she snorted with derision and said buy them anyway, you will love them (we are salt and vinegar anything aficionados).

And I said no, I AM ON A DIET, really rather worried that she might make me because frankly I can be talked into anything, and she said buy them, you know you want to and I said No!

And she said I do wish Marks and Spencer would stop dis-continuing things I like. I am in mourning for their orange pancakes. And I said oh I know what you mean, I will DIE if they do not bring back their Belgian chocolate hot cross buns this Easter, and she said dying won’t be necessary they are there and I nearly did a giddy dance, and she said YOU ARE ON A DIET, and I said it doesn’t count when it comes to chocolate hot cross buns, and she said well in that case you had better buy two packets.

And that m’dears is how the war against my over-sized bottom was lost.