I’m sorry. I can’t do sloppy can I? I can’t do romance for the sake of it. Red satin makes my skin crawl and if you gave me 99.9% of the Valentine cards in the shops at the moment, I’m afraid I’d have to hit you. And that seems a bit out of order on the day I am obliged to be romantic. Though your brand of pinch me till I scream romance probably isn’t going to score too many points either is it?

Truth is I’m no good at your typical brand of romance. I’m outspoken and there are some things I just can’t hold in though I rather suspect I should. I say too much and though you wish it was otherwise I’m not a cuddler. Sit next to me by all means. Snuggle up to me all you like, but hells bells please don’t put your face right up to mine and leave it there. I get twitchy when I can hear a person breathing. I don’t want to feel someone’s breath on my face or down my back when I’m trying to sleep. I’m grumpy in the night. I say things in my sleep I cannot possibly mean. And contrary to the rumour you are trying to spread, I am far too lady-like to snore…

And roses. What’s with all the red dead roses on every corner? They are a nasty business. Over-priced and all over the shop. Give me a bunch of happy daffodils any day of the week. Even on the day Cupid is shooting arrows left right and centre. Yes, give me hydrangeas and daffodils and tomorrows. Talk. I like words. Words, words and oodles and billions more words. I like talking. And a finger trailed up my bare arm when I’m trying to say something important. And I like kisses. Kisses. From my little boy. From my Mum. From my friend at the school gates. I’m a kissing kinda person. Kiss me now. Take your glasses off and kiss me daft.

Ooh and I like midnight texts. Even if I miss them because I’m asleep. And morning texts that say nothing but LOL, I’m so silly. Because you are. And I am. And that’s OK and we need more LOL’s in this world, not less.  And I like you when you are LOL’ing. LOL all you like just don’t lol all over the sofa, or all over me. Sit up straight and tell me what you did today. Sit up straight and make me LOL too. Sit up straight and I will let you pinch me till I squeal.

Let’s eat. Not heart shaped pizzas. Or clichéd cookies. Let’s eat something that is just plain old tasty. Something light. And drink something dark and brooding. Let’s whisper secrets and tell tales. Let’s share what we haven’t yet shared. And let’s do it without stuffed teddy bears and fizzy pink champagne. Was there ever anything as over-rated as champagne?  As forlorn as lovestruck teddy bears holding hearts just waiting to be broken?

No. This year I want to do Valentines Day the right way. Without  token, gestures or coupons.  An evening without the TV. An evening with long stories told to a little boy in tartan pyjama’s and later chinese food and chocolate truffles.  A night when I might just climb off my stubborn old mule and let you sleep on my side of the bed and/or drift off to dreamland accompanied by the radio.

Please note I only said might. A leopard doesn’t change her narky pink polka dots overnight.

Love is all we need right? x