Mark’s girlfriend Nicky is upset. Everybody say aah.
In the time she and Mark have been together he has not yet seen fit to introduce her to a single member of his family, nor taken her to meet his friends. She is, I think, understandably cross about the whole matter and gives him grief on a daily basis, that up till now he has plainly chosen to ignore.
But now he wants her to meet my Finn. My little boy.
From my point of view, the problem is two-fold: on the one hand the thought of another woman stepping into the role of "step-mum" and developing a relationship with my son gives me the heebie jeebies, but I wholly accept that it is part of the rubbishy deal, and yet on the other, this, remember, is a woman who has two children of her own she chooses to live three hundred miles away from and no longer has any kind of relationship with.
I have, as is my want, given this a whole lot of thought and you know what? I can’t think of a single good reason why any woman would choose to absolve a relationship with her kids. Even if as she says, that relationship had deteriorated to the point that they no longer wanted anything to do with me, nothing would prevent me camping a tent in their garden and making it my lifes work to be near them at all times. Once a Mommy, always a Mommy, surely?
And this is my issue with Nicky: not that she fell in love with a man who was for all intents and purposes married, (there but for the grace of God go us all, because falling in love is falling in love) but, that as a woman it chills me to think that she wants to form a relationship with my child when I am not privvy to the reasons why she either chooses, or is not allowed to have a relationship with her own.
However, I am not remotely bitter. I am trying soooo very hard to be grown up about the whole hideous thing because I accept the fact that Mark and Nicky obviously see their relationship as a long term matter now, and from Nicky’s point of view, I understand why she needs to feel like being part of his family matters . I am reasonable. I can step outside myself and any residual hurt and try to offer a solution that protects all our feelings and above all else, protects my son.
And so Dearhearts, come up with a solution I did.
I have told Mark that Darling Nicky is absolutely, entirely welcome to come and meet my son, in my house, with me. I will pour her a cup of tea, offer her homemade shortbread, watch her squirm, evaluate the woman as a potential quasi-parent on my own stomping ground and above all else reassure my son that his daddy’s friendship with this strange lady is ok with me.
But guess what? She has said never in a million years, which is a shame because I was itching to meet the woman Mark once described as having a face like the back of a bus.
Lordy! Sometimes my inner bitch just won’t lie down. Must remind myself to give her the occasional slap.