So there I was reading my about me page, when it struck me that a whole lotta lotta has changed since I wrote my original 101 things about me…
So here I am, purely for my own pleasure, re-inventing myself…
1. I still despise Mariah Carey. I can’t help it. Poor woman doesn’t deserve it.
2. I am galloping towards thirty five years old.
3. And my little babba is going to be all grown up before I know it. It’s freaking me out.
4. I like ironing teatowels better than I like doing anything else in the world.
5. I once lost nine stone in as many months. Nine stone!!!
6. Didn’t feel particularly different.
7. I was with Mark for fifteen years.
8. He left me in April and I thought I would shrivel up and die.
9. But hey ho, it turns out hearts don’t break.
10. I feel like I’ve survived my worst fear and come out smiling.
11. I miss him like hell. But he’s never coming home.
12. Apparently he’s never really liked the way I do the dishes. I think you will agree there are worst crimes.
13. I am irrationally obsessed with cucumber. Preferably Marks and Spencers organic cucumber.
14. I am a fussy madam. I like what I like.
15. I’m rubbish at looking after myself.
16. Left to my own devices I forget to eat.
17. I truly didn’t realise that being a mum would be at once so heartbreaking and so utterly exhilarating.
18. I’ve given up chocolate. But oh how I miss my violet creams. More than I miss Mark really…
19. I worry that I’ll never meet anyone again. That it will always be just me and my little buddy Finn. I know! It’s only been four months….
20. I suspect I am a little eccentric.
21. No scrap that: plainly I am eccentric…
22. I hate hoovering. I’d have Mark back tomorrow if he’d promise to hoover on a regular basis…
23. One glass of red wine makes me giggle.
24. I feel like I’m teetering on the brink of something wonderful. What a pity I don’t know what it is…
25. I don’t like surprises. They make me cross.
26. In my own nutty, pear shaped fashion I am, I suppose, an absolute control freak.
27. God forbid I don’t know the whereabouts of those I love at all times.
28. I used to think every ambulance that went past had Mark in it.
29. I have a culinary obsession with fallafel and stuffed vine leaves.
30. It will pass: I am fickle about food.
31. I feel like Robbie Williams is my son. All grown up. I kind of ache for him.
32. It has to stop. I need to develop a more mature crush.
33. The thought of never having another baby breaks my heart.
34. My friends would probably faint if they saw me in a skirt.
35. I have never realised a single ambition.
36. Perhaps because I can’t remember having any.
37. I am never scared of being lost. My dad tells me all roads lead to the same place, so there is no need to worry.
38. I believe every word my Dad tells me.
39. I quite like being a single mummy.
40. My friend Clare has to ring me on a regular basis to remind me to water my hanging basket.
41. My Mum rings me every night to remind me to lock my doors. I never, ever, never forget Mum…
42. I still think I’m 21. With a hefty mortgage, big bum and a baby.
43. Lately the party girl inside me won’t lie down. It’s a worry.
44. I have always thought washing dishes was akin to meditation.
45. I haven’t been on holiday in ten years.
46. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself on a beach.
47. I used to adore Winter, but lately a fear of the nights closing in is threatening to drown me. Long live Summer…
48. I bite my nails.
49. Sometimes a kind of emptiness grips me in the early hours of the morning and I end up lying awake till dawn trying to work out what it is I am most afraid of.
50. I suspect it might be running out of toilet roll. Or leaving the milk on the doorstep till four 0’clock in the afternoon. I seem to be losing my grip on the little things.
51. My mum has always said that what is for you won’t pass you. I need this to be true.
52. I adore the smell of Johnsons baby powder…
53. Finley has taken up saying, "Oh for goodness sake!" and "For crying out loud!". I suspect his Mother is a teeny bit dramatic.
54. Catching myself on T.V from time to time is utterly surreal and I feel no connection whatsoever with that woman in a pinny…
55. I have decided that I need to live a little more before I will be able to write a novel worth reading. So my pathetic efforts are stashed safely under my bed…
56. I was madly in love with a soldier called Dale when the Gulf War was on. I found the daily arrival of his airline blue paper thin thoughts from the dessert utterly romantic. Forgive me: I was eighteen and oh so in love with being in love…
57. I know which foods make me ill, which perfume makes me feel special and which conditioner turns my frizz into my crowning glory. I just need to curtail the urge to experiment so much…
58. All of a sudden I feel grown up. Cast out to sea, but grown up all the same.
59. I get the most hideous PMT.
60. I never step outside the door without concealer and lipgloss. Must not scare the kids…
61. Give me a bookshop over a wine bar any day.
62. I have very bad taste in men. I still consider Bob from Emmerdale to be one of the sexiest men on t.v…
63. I wish I was as glamorous as my Mum and Helen, but my Dad frequently tells me that he and I were blessed with untidy faces…
64. I want a house with a proper laundry room more than I want anything else in the world.
65. I only need to feel safe to feel content.
66. In life before Finley I was responsible for far too much of the stencilled ivy in the good homes of the Northwest.
67. I have never, ever entered the lottery because I don’t want to win.
68. Drunk people scare me.
69. My feet are always dirty. I have no idea why.
70. When I write poetry a whole new funny me comes out. Think she must live in Siberia the rest of the year round.
71. I don’t feel betrayed by Mark. And wonder if that is because there is something missing in my brain, or because there was a certain inevitabilty to his behavior I’d long seen coming.
72. I like January better than any other month in the year. It just feels so clean.
73. My glass is always 99% full.
74. But my purse is always empty.
75. I get a lot of parking tickets.
76. I hate the fact that I am no longer part of a traditional family unit.
77. I never finish what I start. It’s a sickness.
78. The green wallpaper on my landing makes me feel sick.
79. Having a king size bed to myself is utter bliss. The next man I meet will have to sleep on the floor. Or maybe in the house next door.
80. I am forever buying things at car boot sales I would be too embarrased to show you. Good taste gets lost in a frenzy of tat for a pittance…
81. I sneak into Finley’s bedroom in the dark and throw away his toys while he sleeps.
82. I am never further than a foot away from a pair of tweezers. They just come in so handy…
83. I recently caught texting disease. This isn’t a good thing: I am plainly not a teenager.
84. I wish my sister Helen lived round the corner instead of miles away. I haven’t got the concentration skills to tackle the motorways between us.
85. Drinking hot water with lemon first thing in the morning has changed my life. Thank you Clare.
86. As did buying a dishwasher.
87. I can’t knit, crochet or ride a bike.
88. My Mum can read me like a book. Good job I’ve got no secrets.
89. If I never moved house again I’d probably be happy.
90. The Major and the Minor with Ginger Rogers is my favorite film of all time. Oh to be sitting in my Nana’s living room watching it with her just one more time…
91. It mystifies me how I will ever meet another man. If I run away with the milkman you know it’s because he’s the only man who ever came a knocking.
92. Portraits of women are my favorite flea market discoveries. Who was she? Why is she so sad?
93. I am disproportionetly impressed by the skills of plumbers. Seems to me that plumbing is up there with brain surgery.
94. I hardly ever buy new clothes and I lose every pair of earrings I buy.
95. I have a compulsive urge to buy more washing up liquid than any woman with a dishwasher could ever really need…
96. I once worked as a hair salon receptionist and was probably the worst one they ever had.
97. Turns out you can never really know a person. I thought I did. I really thought I did.
98. Sometimes Finley’s gorgeous little voice drives me to distraction.
99. Other times I want to go into his room and wake him up just so that he can tell me a superhero story. I miss him when he’s asleep.
100. I know I am a hopeless friend. Accept my apologies?
101. I couldn’t have got through the past few months without all of you. Women continue to amaze me…
Have a scrumptious day!