By Helen May.

Mommmm

How to open the bonnet of a car and fill up the windscreen wash. I’m ashamed to say that I had NEVER done this previously. And even more ashamed to admit that I have been known on occasion, when I truly cannot see a thing through the grime, to empty a bottle of mineral water over the windscreen…

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Evolution has a long way to go. Eyes in the back of the head would be really useful for watching out for straying 3 year olds/tiny fingers in sockets/Tonka toys being aimed at the back of the head.

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Leprosy would at times be favourable to the sympathetic smiles other parents give you when you attend a family event in your single parent capacity…

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It doesn’t matter if a child has one parent, two parents – even no parents – provided there is someone there to kiss things better, hold them tight and love them unconditionally. That’s what makes a child thrive.

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Sometimes it is better to be alone for the right reasons than be with someone for the wrong.

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My fantasies consist of sleeping late and employing matronly, efficient housekeepers – aah! What bliss that would be!

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How NOT to mow the lawn. Being one of the jobs I left to my ex when he was around, my first attempt was to say the least not very successful – I mowed straight through the cable and nearly had a very premature appointment with my Maker…

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When I aim to leave the house at 8am I should resign myself to the fact that it will probably be more like 8:30. And any attempt to fool myself and aim to leave at 7:30 will not work. I will STILL leave at 8:30…

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… And every morning there will be at least one thing that I will forget. The trick is making sure it isn’t one of the important things – eg turning the oven off/my son/my skirt.

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As long as I can keep laughing and keep a smile on my little angel’s face, nothing else really matters.

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